Never Ending Story....

Well.... here I am, back again. You already know what that means. I know I am not the only person in the world who struggles with weight loss, but it is still so discouraging to see how many times I have restarted this blog (and restarted a diet). This time I really have no motivation. And I really should. I mean I REALLY, REALLY should. Here's a little recap of what you have missed in the last year plus since I have written....
1) It's no secret that I am fat. Yes, fat. Not big boned. Not "pleasantly plump". FAT.  No, you don't need to roll your eyes and giggle and say I'm not. I am. I have accepted that description.
2) It's also not really a secret that I want to have a baby. What you may not know is that I had a miscarriage in November. Now, everyone will tell you that it's not your fault, and that there was nothing that you could do, and it was all in God's plan or whatever. In my head, I did this. Somehow. Even if its not true. I am very much aware that being FAT can increase risk of miscarriage. I also know that not doing anything about it, can lead to more complications later on. Yet, here I sit.

Even with all that, I haven't done anything about it. In fact, as heavy as I was in November, I have actually gained weight since. And not just a pound or two. More like, "I have 3 pairs of pants left that fit me, and when I went shopping the other day and the next size up wouldn't zip and I walked out of the store so I didn't cry, but instead I went home and ate <shocker> kind of weight gain". But I digress.

I decided that other day that maybe I am approaching this all wrong. I'm a teacher. I know how to get kids to do things that they don't necessarily want to do. I know how to motivate. I bribe them. That's right. Bribe. And ask any teacher in the world and they will agree. Now, don't go thinking I am some evil entity. I'm all for intrinsic motivation, but I'm also a realist. When I want the kids to pick up the trillion pieces of scrap paper on the floor, I have "mystery trash" and whoever finds it gets a classroom dollar. When I want to make sure that they are on their best behavior in public, I have a competition about who can be the quietest in line. Don't judge me. Point being, if I can use that tactic with 8 year olds, then maybe I can bribe myself. Maybe I can set levels for myself and earn "prizes" for reaching them so the overall task doesn't seem so daunting. Maybe I can actually motivate myself to get up, work out, and do something about what I have become. Then again, maybe I will just eat a chocolate donut and try again tomorrow. We shall see....
Thanks for reading, and welcome back to The Never Ending Story....