Day 22: At a loss for words

Yes really. Really! SERIOUSLY! Ok I'll wait until you can breathe normally and stop laughing.......... ready yet? No? ok.................Better now? Awesome. So yes, I am at a loss for words. I feel like my last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions, of weight, and of sanity. I realized today that I am getting so wrapped up in a numbers game that I am risking losing my sanity more than losing any pounds! I feel like the Count on Sesame Street lately! ONE hundred calories AH AH AH! 243 calories AH AH AH. It's enough to make a girl go loopy. Truthfully, I don't know how the Count does it! I guess when you are only dealing with numbers 1-10, things are a lot easier to keep track of!

What I decided today, or more accurately an hour ago, is that I am going to leave most of the counting to the professionals. I am making myself CRAZY with not only how many calories am I eating in a day, but how many calories I am burning at the gym. Then there is how many pounds I need to lose before the countdown to the wedding reaches zero. Not to mention my percentage of weight loss to see what place I am in for the BL game! ENOUGH! Its a wonder that I am not just rambling and talking to myself every day and writing random thoughts and just going on and on and.... wait.... I guess I'm already doing that too. So here is the slimmed down version...

I will COUNT the number of calories I eat in a day. I will continue to use the Lose It app so I have an idea of what I'm consuming in a day. I will stay within my calories (or I have no one to blame but myself).  I will NOT count and tabulate how many calories I am burning in the gym. I wont input the calories on my app or write them down anywhere. I will consider all exercise as bonus and just doing something good instead of doing something to infinity (and BEYOND!). I will COUNT or more accurately weigh myself, but only ONCE a week at school on my weigh in days. This is my hardest task. I'm an obsessive weigher inner. I mean OBSESSIVE. Not only do I weigh myself EVERY morning, but I also weigh myself several times a day just to "check in" and make sure I haven't eaten 12 lbs of food. (aaaaaaaaaaaaaand there's another number! AH AH AH). Since I am no longer allowed to weigh myself every day, I will also not write my weight on the mirror an continue to obsess over it. Instead, I will write encouraging messages-either things I hear, things that are told to me, things that I want to remember. Today's mantra- "slow and steady wins the race" (thanks John! I love you!) I also will not FREAK OUT if I dont lose as much as I thought I should. This goes back to not keeping track of how many calories I am burning. I have been SO upset today because I know I burned 2700 calories at the gym this week and I only lost 1.7lbs this week. I need to just walk away and let it be! I will also CELEBRATE my weight loss. ANY weight loss. And be happy that it is less than the week before. I will not stress out about what position I am for BL for the week. I will continue the competition and hope that by the end I end up #1 (AH AH AH), but if I'm not, I will congratulate the winner and not be pissy about it for the whole day.... week.... month.

So there you have it. My new plan of action. I guess I found some words. I know I know... you're SO surprised......... From now on, I vow I will let the Count do his job, and I will no longer be his apprentice! Ha! Take that!

PS- if you don't know who the Count is, I am no longer allowed to be associated with you.... just lie to me and say you do..... please.....

22 days down...158 to go! (AH, AH, AH!) yes, these are numbers I will continue to "count", but out of excitement to be married, not in fear of my dress!

Day 21: Hi ho! Kermit d' Frog here....

Coming to you live on location from the sauna at 24 hour fitness. I'm here today interviewing Lisa. Hi ho Lisa. How are you today? "I'm hot Kermit. Really. Flipping. Hot." Well Lisa, it IS a sauna and that is somewhat of the point. "Thank you captain obvious. I'm aware of that but you asked me how I was and I thought you might want some honesty for a change!" well ok then Lisa I'll let you get back to it.... Stay tuned as Ms. Piggy visits the bacon factory. Oh dear.....

I've decided that I am nothing without humor. If I screw up, and I will, I need to just roll with it instead of letting it deveatating me! I will lose weight and I WILL fit into my wedding dress! Weigh in tomorrow. I'll keep you posted- good, bad or other. And yes, I'm really in the sauna right now. And yes, it's really flipping hot!!!!

21 days down...159 to go!

Day 20: How many calories can one pack in a slider?

A. LOT. Truthfully, I could end today's post right there and you would still get the gist of my day. Before I go all Debbie Downer on myself, let me say that I woke up early this morning, put on my big girl panties, and went to the gym on my own. I did 45 minutes of cardio, lifted arm weights, and sat in the sauna when I was done. All on my own. That's where my good day ends. If you don't know me, or if you DO know me and have missed the memo, I stress out. A lot. About everything. To the point that I have been told that maybe that's the reason why I'm not losing weight like I think I should be! Anyway, my good day rapidly took a plunge and landed in a big pile of turd. To cheer myself up, I quickly returned back to my old friend-food. I mean, as far as vices go, food is at least the least damaging of all the possibilities... unless you are trying to fit into a wedding dress in 5 months (5 months!). Before lunch I had only eaten about 75 calories from breakfast, then burned 475 at the gym. By the time I got to lunch, I was ready to consume my body weight in fried food. And I did.  Two out of  three cheeseburger sliders (sorry John.... I ate a cheeseburger....) and fries. I ate most of my day's allotment of calories in that one little (and I do mean little) meal. And it was freaking delicious. And I have felt nothing but guilt for the rest of the day. What does that mean!? Am I actually starting to care about what I look like? Am I really starting to get that "gym high" that I swore I never would reach? So many feelings! So many unanswered questions....
20 days down... 160 to go! (where is the time going!?)

PS~ I apologize for my lack of humor lately! It's been a rough few days thanks to the scale who shall remain nameless.... I promise to be back to my normal jovial self soon! Keep reading! 

Day 19: heeeeeeeeeeeey Macarena! AAAAyai!

It's amazing to me how some days I can't remember what I ate for breakfast, yet some how I can remember every single move and when it comes in the song as soon as I hear the Macarena. I thought it was strange, until I saw every other teacher and adult in the building doing it with me. Frightening. Let me back up...(notice how I have to do this in almost every post? I apparently missed the memo about how to start a story appropriately.... good thing I teach writing........) today was the 3rd-5th grade jamboree at school. Let me say this- there was very little "jam" happening, and a whole lot of boree. For those of you who don't know,  "boreeing" is a cross between running amuck and jumping straight up and down. All of this with 200 children. After school hours. So yes, there was quite a lot of "boree". Sadly, the high-tech sound system and lack of good tunage left the jamming more to the imagination. Other than the Macarena, we boogied on down to the Cha-Cha Slide and the Cupid Shuffle (which I will admit I thought was the "Cuban" shuffle until I just looked it up online. HA!) So yes, the CUPID shuffle. If you don't know what it is, or you don't know HOW to do it, I just found an instructional video. Seriously. I'm NOT lying. Sigh.... go look. See? I told you. Youtube... what will they think of next!?

Anywho, other than that, I didn't work out today, and I'm pretty sure I ate my body weight in chicken parm. Yum. 12 people wore their BL shirts to school today- yes, I went..... AND one of my kids told another teacher that "Ms. Pantano looks different". Hey, if a 10 year old notices, then maybe SOMETHING really is happening.... even if the scale continues to betray me............
19 days down...161 days to go!

Day 18: "dun dun dududun, dududun dididun....

That's the Rocky's theme song by the way- in case you weren't sure. Go ahead, go back and try it again now that you know what it is. I'll wait. Yes it is! Try again.... got it now? Geez... keep up...... AAaaaaaaanyway, one of my colleagues, and BL teammate suggested to me that theme songs weren't just for Rocky anymore, and that I needed my own song- something to keep me motivated, and something that every time I heard it would keep me refocused. I agreed, since I LOVE music, but after an hour or so, my holey sponge brain forgot. Now, I have been using random weddingy songs as my extrinsic motivation of course such as our first dance song, and Going to the Chapel, but I had yet to find my intrinsic song. Something that was all about me and the real reason I SHOULD be doing this. Of course we all know that is NOT the reason, but that is not today's point ladies and gentlemen! Today, when my mini workout ipod played on random, and I heard the first few seconds, of this song, I knew immediately that it was my theme song. MINE. ALLLLLLL MINE. Now, I won't hold you in suspense- in fact I will even give you a link to the song. Even if you know the song and have never seen the video, go watch it- it's awesome! If you HAVE seen the video, go watch it again, because as I previously stated, it's AWESOME. There is so much more I could write such as things having to do with yellow highlighters, axles, and my BL shirt that is now all jazzed up but STILL doesn't fit me and how I am made it nice and bright to detract from my refusing to shrink midsection..... but I won't. Instead, I will direct you to THIS! (It's a little slow to start out, but give it 30 seconds or so and you will start to understand!)

WAIT! One more thing!  18 days down...162 to go!

Day 17: 5lbs of s*** in a 10lb bag

As of today, that is what I feel like. Before I continue, let me say that I KNOW that losing weight takes time, and I KNOW that it took me 28 years to get this way, and it's not going to magically disappear in 28 minutes, but that DOESN'T mean that I don't want it to happen quickly! As I was telling people today, I am a total instant gratification kind of girl. If I am hungry all the time from cutting down to 1500 calories, and busting my butt at the gym, then I better see results. Fast. It is REALLY hard for me to continue on a path where I am not seeing any results. Come on. Admit it. You want to see quick results too. I'm not the only insane one. Hello?

Anyway, back to my title. Today I went out to purchase a t-shirt to wear to school on Friday along with my BL team at school. I always struggle between the M and L sizes when it comes to projects like this. M are usually too tight because, well, let's face it, I'm "chesty". The L are usually a little baggy and make me feel bigger than I really am. It was suggested by one of the other BL members that she was going to get the smaller size because as she loses weight she will be able to see a difference in the clothes. Perfect! I thought this was a BRILLIANT idea! So I chose the M. Without trying it on. Do you see where this is going? Yeah..... continue.... After getting home, I began to look at this Barbie sized outfit and decided to try it on. What. Was. I. THINKING?! I can barely breathe in this shirt! Who was I kidding trying to buy ANYTHING labeled with an "M" (other than M&M's of course... but that is NOT going to help my case). So now, when I walk into school on Friday, sporting my shirt, I will be able to show to the world exactly what 5lbs of s*** shoved into a 10lb bag looks like. Ugh. I'm feeling the flu coming on. I may just have to be sick on Friday.


Meanwhile, I'm watching "I Used to Be Fat" on MTV. The guy just lost 14lbs in his first week. His trainer reminded him that the first week is the easiest. I'm on week 3. Crap. I'm screwed.

Oh, and by the way, someone needs to tell this guy the word is DROWNING not DROWNDING. just sayin'.....
17 days down...163 to go!

Oh, and PS- I have ape arms today. Picture it (Sicily. Wait no.) Picture it- an ape. Picture their arms dangling in front of them, not bent, not straight. Yup. That's me today from the weights we did last night. Ape arms. Unable to straighten them without pain. oooh oooh aaah aaah. Time for a banana.

Day 16: Fleas and Baby Frogs, and Slime... OH MY!

Before I begin, let me take a step back... today was day 2 of keeping up with the Jones. Day 2 of a real butt kicking at the gym. Day 2 of fearing for my life when the word "running" was mentioned. And day 1 of fleas, baby frogs, and slime. Ew. Let me back up again. Yesterday I was promised "seeds". I was told they were "chi seeds" which I mentally associated with chi tea. Not that I particularly LIKE chi tea, but I figured I could manage. I was told they are a great natural energy booster and they would be great before the gym. Awesome. TODAY, I was presented with something VERY different than what I was picturing. Today the words I heard were "well, the seeds kind of look like little fleas". FLEAS!? Why in the world would I want to eat anything that looked like fleas? As promised, they did. A whole bag of fleas. "Want some?" I was asked. Hell no. Then, I was told that these flea seeds could be mixed with a shake or a smoothie or hidden in some peanut butter. There were none of these items around. We'll just mix it in water and drink it down! I was already frightened. In my mind, seeds in water = seeds floating around in water. I couldn't imagine what the point was!. Uhhh you go first. The flea seeds were mixed with water and before I could even take in what I was seeing I was told "they kind of look like baby frogs once they are in the water". Want some? Uh, HELL NO. Again, the description did not disappoint! Right before my very eyes, the fleas turned into baby frogs floating in dirt. Appetizing. If that wasn't enough, the seeds and water mixed to make this "delightful" slime in addition to the baby frogs in dirt. Upon further investigation I realized that these were not actually "chi" seeds, but CHIA seeds. That's right CHIA as in CHIA PET! The same exact seeds that make the chia pet grow "hair" were the very snack that I was being presented with. Thank you no. That's it. I decided at that moment that if that's what it takes to lose an enormous amount of weight each week, I would rather be fat. Forever!

16 days down...164 to go!

Day 15: Keeping up with the Joneses

I have been doing a lot of this lately... at least trying. I want a lot of what other people have or are getting, and I feel like I should have no problem doing or getting all these things AND paying for a wedding AND buying a house AND I'm insane... I know. Thankfully, I have John to remind me that it is totally unnecessary to try to keep up with any Joneses. That was, until today. Today, I HAD to keep up with one Jones-Molly Jones. First reason to keep up with Molly Jones is she totally rocked and dominated the weigh in this morning (woo!), so I of course feel REALLY far behind, and I want to keep up with her awesome weight loss! Second, she invited me to workout with her at the gym today. Now, let me say that she WARNED me. When she called me to ask me to go with her, she CLEARLY said an hour and a half. Of course this didn't occur to me until today. And HOUR and a HALF!? Did she NOT read my blog yesterday that lauded my 40 total minutes for the first time in ages? Did she miss the fact that it was a RED LETTER DAY that I had even walked in there???? Obviously.

So an hour and a half. I dreaded this hour and a half all day long. What was she going to do to me? I would never be able to keep up with this Jones! I was going to make a fool of myself! At 4:23 (her time request, not mine) we headed to the gym. THIS time, I knew about the "no more gym card" rule so it wasn't totally obvious as it had been yesterday that I had already shattered my New Year's resolution. Ok, got it. Phone number + finger scan and I was in. She suggested we start with 40 minutes on the elliptical. Great. She tells me my setting one that looked like this: IIiiIIiiIIiiIIii on my machine and off we went. About 7 minutes into the workout I was done. Could I really do this another 33 minutes? Molly gave me a silent thumbs up, and I continued... and continued... and continued, until all 40 minutes plus a 5 minute backwards cool down was completed. I had done it! I kept up with the Jones! I wasn't able to burn as many calories, or increase my intensity, but I didn't pass out, and I didn't throw up. All positives. :)

We moved on to weights where I continued to keep up at my own pace. I did every set she asked of me, and only complained a little................ :) 10 minutes in the sauna to finish flushing out all the toxins, and I was feeling hot, but great! I had done it! I had kept up with the Jones for the entire hour and half! And then she tells me she already worked out and did all this already before school too...............sigh. So much for keeping up with ANY Jones!
15 days down...165 to go!

Day 14: Cupcakes or cottage cheese?

Logically, any other week, the answer would be clear. Cupcakes. Always. Of course, that's how I got myself into the predicament of scrambling to lose weight to avoid back boobage in 6 months..... Today, however,  the answer is painful and heart wrenching..... cottage cheese. I'm sure you're thinking to yourself "when would this EVER be a choice that one would have to make?!" The answer my friends, is today. Now before I continue my tale, let me make sure that you are sitting down. I have some very earth shattering news to share, and I'm afraid that you may indeed pass out, but at least if you are sitting down, the fall won't be as far. As you ready? No? Well, don't say I didn't warn you..... I. WENT. TO. THE. GYM. TODAY. Did I just hear a simultaneous thud from all my readers? I thought so. Not only did I GO to the gym, but I actually worked out! Oops. Sorry. I should have checked in on you first before that last bombshell..... Yes. I went to the gym, in my new yoga ball shoes (which I LOVE so far by the way). When I was done, I decided to head to Target to do a little grocery/me shopping. As I pull into the parking lot mentally going through my list of low cal, low taste options for the week, I saw it- the Cupcake Truck. It was like a mirage in the desert. In fact, I'm thinking of calling 24 Hour Fitness and telling them to project an image of the Cupcake Truck on one wall, and just watch as all us fatties pick up the pace on our treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals just trying to reach the truck. It would be a sad and hilarious experiment! But I digress.

Grocery shopping. Of course, now, all I can think about is cupcakes. Perhaps this is what it feels like to have "visions of sugarplums dancing in my head". Except instead of sugarplums, I was thinking about frosting and possibly even sprinkles. You will all be happy to know (or sad to know if you are one of my BL competitors!) that I did NOT give into temptation. In fact, after an hour and a half of grocery shopping just for me ( ps- it takes FOREVER to read every flipping label in the store trying to figure out the best options!) I drove past the cupcake truck AGAIN, gave it a silent "you're #1" salute in my head, and drove home to make lunch.

So that was my day. I survived. I'm even under my calories for the day. I really needed to be to make up for yesterday..... In fact, I think I will start referring to yesterday as the "Voldemort" of my diet. It will now be known as "the day which shall not be named". Yes, that was a Harry Potter reference. Yes, I just scared myself too. No, this doesn't change who I am.

Weigh in tomorrow.... Stay tuned! And think thin thoughts. Lots of them.
14 days down... 166 to go!

Day 13: That's one small step for man...and realistcially one even smaller step for man kind

Today is all about the small steps. It has to be, because the rest of my day was a complete and utter FAIL. The day started off like every other lately- morning dose of cleanser (last day! wooo!) and a Slim Fast Shake. I eventually made my way to the outlet mall where I proceeded to  shop and more importantly WALK for over 4 hours!!!!! (small step #1). Within the course of this shopping, I realized, as I was getting dizzy and lightheaded and shaky that I PROBABLY needed to eat since it had been 6 hours since my "breakfast" and I had most likely burned twice as many calories as I had consumed. Oops. Of course, being in the mall, and being desperate for food, I made a quick and uncaring about calories decision and ate Burger King. (small step #2): I ordered a kid's meal even though I was hungry enough to eat a large size and then some.

Once I was feeling better I proceeded with my shopping. I finally found the shoes I was looking for at the 4th shoe store that I visited. A pair of Sketchers Tone Ups(small step #3). Let me stop and clarify. I bought TONE UPS, not SHAPE UPS. Shape ups = the scary looking rocker, one leg is shorter than the other look....Tone ups look like regular sneakers but have a "yoga ball" type padding on the sole. Basically the same point without the scary rocking chair armature. Awesome. I have no idea if they will actually work like they claim, but since I needed new sneakers anyway, and these don't make me look like Frankenstein, I will just take any benefits that they possibly give me and mark it as a bonus!

Moving right along,  I finally headed out of the mall (let me digress for a moment-these huge circle malls are ridiculous. I mean really. No matter where you park, you have to walk the ENTIRE way around just to leave. I felt like a hamster on a wheel just desperately trying to make it back to Target and GET OUT)  to meet friends for dinner with a whopping 600calories left for dinner.....Then I was reminded that all the walking I had done counted as exercise and since I burned calories, I could now add them back to my calorie allotment for dinner! YES! (refer to small step # 2, or review previous parenthetical rant) Then, because I wanted the option to eat more, I used my friend's elliptical machine for 20 minutes to burn 200 more calories (small step #4)!!!

Let's just end the story there and say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and instead we will celebrate today's small steps! Tomorrow WILL be better! It can't be much worse....
13 days down...167 to go!

Day 12: There's HOW many calories in that!?

I've decided that it should be REQUIRED for restaurants to have a flipping clue as to the nutritional value of the food they are serving. Today, I went to Friday's with some girls from school. I scoured the internet ALL day for information as to what I could eat, and other than pages and pages and pages of the same 20 foods, I couldn't find much. I even referred to their website (which is flashy and obnoxious, and made me NOT want to eat there) for a list of possible choices. No help. I finally decided that I would get the fried shrimp dinner. One website claimed that fried shrimp has 27 calories each. I don't buy it. Another said 450 calories for 4 shrimp. Helpful. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeally helpful. Sigh. So I went into Friday's knowing I was about to consume somewhere between 600 and 1600 calories. Great. That's not a problem or anything for a girl that can eat 1461 (not 1460, or 1470.... no, 1461.....) calories a day. Sigh. I flipped through the novel of a menu, one that is now akin to War and Peace mind you (I mean really, I'm all for options, but this menu is OUT. OF. CON-TROL.) desperately trying to find something that was not going to force me to mentally chop off ANOTHER limb when I weigh in on Monday when I saw it... hiding quietly among (amongst?) the flashy "sizzlin'" this and "poppin'" thats.... Tilapia. Broiled tilapia with tomatoes, cucumbers, and a balsamic vinaigrette. I sadly glanced at the fried shrimp and FRIES on the menu, and begrudgingly ordered the fish. It finally arrived in all its "glory". A white piece of fish on a white plate with 3 mini tomatoes and the TINIEST cubes of cucumber you have EVER seen. Like one slice cut into 10 little squares. And they were warm. Ew. After scraping those into the pile of steamed broccoli that I refused to eat (raw broccoli= yum, steamed broccoli without cheese or anything else to make it edible = gag.) and ate the sad piece of fish slowly as to not finish 30 minutes before the rest of my friends. Finally, knowing what the deep dark recesses of the internet held as far as nutrtitional facts, I asked the waitress if they had the inforamtion about what I consumed. She asked a manager and finally responded that they indeed had no more information than the internet and they had no idea what the caloric intake was. Great. Back to square one. Upon searching the internet again I found that broiled tilapia has a calorie count of 90.... ooooooooooooor 650....... Sigh. Back to square one indeed!
12 days down... 168 to go!

Day 11: Sometimes you feel like a nut...

That's how I've felt for about 11 days so far. I am going nuts. I feel like I all of a sudden have so much on my plate (ha! Fat pun- full plate....) and I cant handle it all! This whole losing weight thing might just push me over the sanity edge. Let me give you a little run down of how I traditionally approach this:
step 1: decide I am fat <check!> step 2: start a program that reduces my intake <check!> step 3: complain about such program <check!> step 4: see minimal results <oh it's coming friends> step 5: quit.
Awesome. Well as long as I understand the process.... Of course this time I know I CAN'T quit. I know that step 5 CANT happen no matter how much I dont want to do this anymore. It's not like I'm even being all that hard on myself. 1500ish calories. That should NOT be a big deal. I should be able to eat this with no problem at all. I have done 1500 before and lost a ton of weight, but this time, I feel like I am running up on a down escalator. Last week? Never once went over my calories. This week? I can't stop shoving food into my mouth no matter what my calorie intake is. Problem? I would think so. I've been hoarding my calories during the day so at night and I can eat anything and everything that is not nailed down.... or that is passed to me from a drive thru window. Do I honestly think that this is going to get me to lose weight? Of course not! I'm not dilusional! I'm just too lazy to cook dinner, and to actually figure out the calorie content of every single ingredient that goes into the food. Ever tried that? Go ahead, I'll wait..... tick, tock, tick, tock..... see, a drive thru is easier isnt it????!!!!!! I fear the only way to force myself out of this pattern is to drop to 1200 calories so I cant possibly have enough to gorge. You just WAIT for THAT blog friends.... 
11 days down....169 to go!

Day 10: Oh how the fatty has fallen.....

I eat. In case you didn't know. I eat. All the time. For every reason. Today's reason? Stress. It took me twice as long to get home as usual because of having to drive on non-plowed roads in the dark. And it stressed me out. I know... welcome to Colorado. Ugh. I will NEVER get used to driving on roads like that. Yes, I know, the roads weren't all THAT bad.... but for me, anytime when I cant see the lines on the road, it's bad. Got it? Ok, moving on. So I eat. And today, HO-LY COW I ate! I had a lot of calories left for dinner and I STILL went over on my calories. By a lot. Even with rounding up the calorie count on almost everything I have eaten in the last 9 days, I still went over. I even try to justify and say that if I eat an AVERAGE of 1500 calories a day, it will all even out. Sadly, I don't think it works that way... but let a girl dream. Right now I am full and satisfied from my meal. Tomorrow when I stand on the scale and I feel the need to chop off a body part just to get back to yesterday's weight, I will feel like a failure. Right now, I'm in a food coma..... ZZZZzzzzzzz

In happier news, John and I bottled beer #1 (Love Potion #9) for the wedding and brewed #2 (Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Hefeweizen?!) today! Yes, I came up with the names- that's my most important job in this whole process! This of course means that the wedding is right around the corner! YIKES! I better get with the program!
10 days down...170 to go!

Day 9: Eating mcdonalds for dinner to celebrate my weight loss is probably counteractive right?

Hi. My name is Lisa, and I'm a food addict. "hiiiii Lisa." I've been sober for about 15 minutes now, and I'm afraid at this rate, I will never earn my one year chip. Wait. Chip? Did someone say chip? And dip perhaps? Crap. I think I just relapsed.....Its going to be a looooooong road to recovery I fear!

Anyway... to answer my title, (and facebook status of the same question), no I did not go to McDonald's. Don't go praising me just yet. I wasn't driving. Had I been driving, those sweet delicious chicken nuggets would have been mine! Thank goodness I am marrying a wonderful man who would not allow me to celebrate with nuggets. In fact, he reminded me that I would not want to come home and blog about the fact that I blew it. Again. So I didn't. Not that I cooked dinner at home like I originally planned to, but i did NOT eat McDonald's. <polite golf clap>

And NOW the moment you have all be waiting for..... The weigh in!!!!!!!!!! According to the scale at work, (yes the same one that so viciously b***h  slapped me the other day)...... I lost 4.5lbs! WOOHOO! No, I'm not in the lead for the contest (I'm coming for you E.V.L haha :) ) but I feel pretty good about myself. I would have felt even better if my numbers at home (pre-shower, pre-water, pre-breakfast shake, post-nature) of 6.5lbs counted, but at least it was something! I know I wont be able to maintain this, but my goal is 1-2lbs per week. I think this is very feasible. As always, I will keep you posted my dear followers and fellow weight loss companions!
9 days down...171 to go!

Day 8: TGFApplebees

Yes. Totally shameless plug for the national food chain Applebees. I greatly appreciate that I can walk in there at any given time, and be handed a menu that already has items listed (and pictured!) for me that are 550 calories and less. For the whole meal. Real food too! Its not like they bring you a slimfast shake in a pretty glass either! Today I had a 7oz sirloin, roasted potatoes, and mixed veggies. Somewhere in the ballpark of 400 calories! On the other hand- Chilis. SCARY. Ever look at their nutrition facts? No? Dont. Or perhaps do. And perhaps you should be sitting. Let me give you an example- Texas fries. I wont even begin to list the ingredients, but I will tell you that its an appetizer. As in, you are supposed to eat MORE when you are done eating these. The calorie count for this delightful delicacy is about 2000 and just under 200grams of fat! FOR AN APPETIZER. So again, thank you Applebees for allowing be to eat a filling lunch without feeling the urge to jump off a cliff when I was done!
Tomorrow is the week 1 weigh in... I'm thinking thin thoughts.... I will be happy I think with at least 3lbs down..... let's hope I can at least do that!
8 days down...172 to go!

Day 7: Some days I feel like a prisoner

So it's really only been 7 days? It feel like I have been counting calories for 7 years already. I am mentally already over it, but I know that until my scale hits the magical number that I have to keep it up! I have already been thinking about what my post will be on day 180. I've decided that its just going to be a picture of me in my wedding dress. That mental image is what's keeping me going right now. John suggested to me that I go visit my wedding dress for some inspiration. (My dress is at his aunt's house so nothing will happen to it, and so that SOMEONE cant peek at it before the big reveal!) On one hand, I think it might be a great idea- it might keep me motivated and staying on the right track. On the other hand- it might just depress me. The last time I had the dress on was in September. I was thinner than I am now, but heavier than I was when I bought it. It was decided then that I really needed to start losing weight. In fact, when I BOUGHT the dress, it was decided that i needed to lose a few pounds to make the dress look even better. My concern is that even my goal weight is not going to be enough. Physically, I dont think I will be able to lose more than the 27lbs to reach my goal by July. Then what will I do? I have joked that it will be easier to buy a new dress then to fit into the one I have.... of course, thats not really what I want to happen. How mortifying would that be when all the people who were with me when I bought the original dress watch me walk down the aisle in a tent because that is all I can fit into. That is really not what I want to happen. So I plug on.
Today, I have been in my house for the entire day. Just me. And food. Lots of food. Chips, and cookies, and candy left over from the holidays. Most I dont even eat on a normal day, but when I can't have it, I WANT IT ALL. I have resisted. I feel like I am trapped in a prison cell and all these high calorie foods are just waiting for me to drop my soap in the shower.... Perhaps I have watched too much tv today.
I dont know what I will be having for dinner, but I'm sure it wont be anything healthy. Right now, my goal is just to stay within my calories! One day at a time!!!!!!!
7 days down...173 to go!

Day 6: Forgive me bloggers, for I have sinned....

It has been not so many weeks since my last taste of temptation, and today, I have fallen prey yet again to the lure of the golden arches. Seriously. The "good" news is that I still stayed within my calorie allotment for the day! The bad news is, I'm PRETTY sure the meal I just consumed is not looked upon as secret diet food or even remotely diet friendly by ANY stretch of the imagination! The frightening news is that today I also started a 7 day body "cleanse". It came highly recommended by the guy at GNC as a great way to jump start weight loss, however, I'm pretty sure that I just consumed one food from every category on the "do not eat these foods or you are going to reeeeeeeally regret it" warning pamphlet. Needless to say, tonight is going to be fun. Anyway, go ahead BL competitors. Rejoice. I totally blew it today and I am going to have to pay the price on Ttuesday! What's even worse is although I hate to admit it, the food was delicious. I was secretly hoping the fries would be cold, the order would be wrong, and perhaps one of the burger patties would be missing from the sandwich. That way I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on anything by not eating it again. Of course FOR ONCE, everything was piping hot, and the fries were about as delicious as possible. I must also say for the record, that yes, I am one of those people who gets a huge fattening meal, one with the word "big" in it for goodness sake, and then top it off with a diet coke. In my defense, I don't think that the diet coke somehow erases all the calories and fat in the meal- I just prefer diet coke to regular! Yes seriously. No, I don't know how that's possible. Yes, I drink other regular sodas sometimes. Yes, I know it sounds insane. Get off my back about it would ya!? Anyway... that has been my day. I'm still not able to work out. It's getting a little ridiculous to be honest with you. I really would like to be able to function throughout the day without wincing. Ah well... one day!
6 days down...174 to go!

Day 5: Do you have to be such a pain in my @$$ part deux

Riddle me this: I am told that in order to reach my "maximum weight loss potential" I must reduce my calorie intake. Got it. So, according to Lose It! Iphone app, I am allowed 1486 calories per day in order to lose 2lbs a week. Also according to the wise one, if I stick to this, I will reach my goal weight by the end of May. Awesome. So I decided that I'm going to do even better than that! I round up. If something is 35cals, I round up to 50, and so on. I started "working out". A few days of video game workout, walking with my kids at recess, walking with a friend at the mall, crunches. I opt NOT to count that against my calorie intake. Instead I am eating ONLY the 1486 even when I am allotted more because of exercise. In fact, I have been around 100 calories shy of my daily allowance every day this week PLUS any calories burned from working out. I thought I was doing GREAT. I lost 2lbs by Wednesday, my muscles were starting to "feel it burn" such as it was, and I am drinking TONS of water. And I hate water. Today, as I struggled to even get out of bed, and nearly cried walking down the stairs (dont even get me STARTED about nature calls. Let's just say thank goodness for the handicap bars on the walls in the bathrooms at school!) I just KNEW it was all worth it. I hobbled up the stairs at work, dragging both my legs like peg legs (SQUAWK! Lisa want a cracker? Sorry no... I don't have enough calories for that) and stood on the scale that had so gloriously told me 2 days earlier that this was all worth it. And it told my fortune. Not only had I GAINED back the 2lbs that I lost, but I also GAINED weight to now be heavier than I was when I started! Yippee! At that moment there was only one thing I could think- ok two things. One, I wont repeat, and the other was YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. So here I sit. 600 calories left for the day thanks to refusing to eat the "bagel frisbee" option at lunch. In pain from knees to neck. STARVING. And heavier than I was on Monday. Sigh.
5 days down...175 to go!

Day 4: Do you have to be such a pain in my @$$?

Literally. Ow. So last night after my non "diety" dinner, I decided that I would work out. Now, I'm not talking hard-core sweatin' to the oldies type workout, I'm talking turn on the xbox and play a workout video game. Awesome. Nothing like working out in your pjs. Meanwhile,  I'm pretty sure more of us "fluffies" would actually GO to the gym if we could workout barefoot and in pjs! Just sayin'. So yeah, workout video game. Easy. I play for about 25 minutes or so. I complete the 6 challenges- at least 2 rounds of each, most of them 3. Awesome. It was bedtime, so I decided to bust out 100 crunches and hit the hay. Except that my legs would NOT hold my body weight on the yoga ball. Jello-y. Nice. I make it through the crunches, and go to bed. This morning I wake up completely forgetting about my jello legs only to find out that not only were my legs now made of cement AND jello, but so were my, uh, "glutes". Ow. So yeah, to sum it all up- I have been walking around like Sophia from Golden Girls all day. Holding on to BOTH handrails of the stairs, and wincing every time I have to sit for a nature call. Note to self, do NOT drink lots of water when anything remotely close to a squats motion makes you see stars. Wish I had thought about that! You know what they say about hindsight....
4 days down, 176 to go! 


Oh, and by the way, FOOD PUSHER-you know who you are..... I did NOT enjoy a delicious milkshake at Chic-Fil-A with my dinner thank you very much! I was still full from my Rolo. HA!  :)

Day 3: The secret diet food

So I have come to the conclusion today that I HATE diet food. Duh. Shocker, I know! Then again, I would like to find someone who actually ENJOYS being on a diet. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I didn't think so. I decided that the least painful path for me would be to count calories. I have actually done this before and was pretty successful. The trouble is starting. And sticking to it. And actually calculating every single morsel I eat. (thank you iPhone apps!)  But have I mentioned that I hate diet food? I mean really... how many rice cakes and cups of water can one human being be expected to consume on a daily basis!? This brings me to my point. (I know! So soon!? It just isn't like me!) but here it is: I LOVE SECRET DIET FOOD. Let me give you an example (and keep in mind I am counting calories. Dinner at Qdoba on a regular non diet week- naked burrito bowl, plain rice, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, and a few crispies. Dinner tonight while counting calories: naked burrito bowl, plain rice, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, and a few crispies. YES! Thank you secret diet food. Now, before you begin to lecture me about how unhealthy everything I ate was, let me remind you, I am counting calories. And tonight's dinner, 635! And I'm SO full. Now my mission is to find the calorie count for other "regular" day meals, so I dont feel so "diety" everyday. We'll see!
3 days down...177 to go!

Day 2 Here we go

As you can already see by my very clever title, today is day 2. I started out my morning with a challenge. I took $1.10 out of my piggy bank (Yes, I have a piggy bank. Don't judge me.) and I left the house. I took the money for one purpose and one purpose only. Caffeine. Again, don't judge me. I know I should be cutting out all sodas, caffeine, sugar, dairy, red meats, starches, carbs et, but THEN what would I be left with? Vegetables? You want me to eat VEGETABLES for 6 months?  I think not........ But I digress. Caffeine. That was my mission. I drove to work armed with my bag of portioned out cereal, raisins, 1/2 banana, and skim milk...and then I saw them. The golden arches. The glorious delicious greasy delicious horrible delicious golden arches. Now I had a choice to make. Did I take the $1.10 and spend it wisely on soda? DIET soda people. DIET. (I know I know... its just as bad, chemicals, cravings for sweets. I KNOW) or did I spend it on my favorite breakfast delicacy- the sausage biscuit. dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuun! (cue ominous soap opera music and harsh glare). I know what you're thinking, DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good news: I didn't. I got the DIET soda and went on my way. I'm pretty sure when I walked in the school building holding a cup (a very LARGE cup by the way) from McDonald's that all my competitors were silently thinking YESSSSSS we will dominate her this week! The joke is on you friends! I didn't blow it! Challenge #1: Lisa- 1, golden arches-zip!

The rest of my day was pretty mellow compared to my morning challenge. I did pick up a mini candy bar and bite into it..... then I felt so guilty, and knew I would have to blog about it later so I spit it out. Thats right. spit. it. out. I'm pretty sure spitting out perfectly good chocolate is or should be against the law. Sigh. The journey continues. Happy Tuesday everyone!

2 days down, 178 to go!

Operation: Wedding Dress- day 1

Ok, so let me start off by saying this: I am NOT one of these people that feels the need to blog every minute of every day. I dont "twitter" or "tweet" or whatever the proper verbiage is.... I do however obsessively use facebook....but that is a story for another day. Let me say this- I'm doing this blog for me. To keep myself on track. Just to know that someone, somewhere could be reading this and saying "ooooooooooooooh. (oh, I teach elementary school by the way, so if I am in trouble, I will often say oooooooooooooh like a 10 year old. Just go with it) you cheated today!!!" Whether or not anyone actually CARES is a different story entirely. And I'm rambling. I do have a point. I swear. Here is is:
Today is 1 day shy of the 6 month mark of my wedding day (yay!). I have a dress that I love that is perfectly "me". And it doesnt fit. Well it DOES, just not in a pretty way. As I so eloquently put it the other day, " I dont need as much cleavage in the back as I have in the front!". I'm pretty sure I made a drink come out of someone's nose that day. It was lovely. So I decided its time. You know what I'm talking about. TIME. So here it is. Day 1. I started a "Biggest Loser" club at work. Its already widely popular, and we have 21 people playing! I figured if I have to be hungry and sore, then 20 other people should be too right? Misery DOES love company! So anyway, day 1. Initial weigh in. Yikes. BIG yikes. Lets just say I have to lose. AT LEAST 25lbs to even be remotely happy with myself on my wedding day. This ridiculously long intro basically sums up as this- My goal is to blog. Every day. Call myself out on the dumb stuff I did. Celebrate the small stuff. And report my progress.

Today- initial weight: way too much
Set my goal.
Stayed within my alloted calories.
Worked out- kinda. Played Biggest Loser on kinect for 20 minutes.
Felt totally inadequate compared to others at school based on their facebook postings of their day 1.

So there you have it. 1 day down- 179 more to go.