I know I have been absent from writing, but I just feel like I have nothing to say. I am still not doing what I promised, and I can't seem to push myself to finish what I started. Surprise, surprise. I am working steadily on small details so that everything is as perfect as can be for the big day. I have been working a lot on the outside, but today I need to work on the inside. Today's post is very real, very raw, and very much needs to be written so I can truly move forward. Read if you wish, ignore if you would like, judge if you must.
Dear You,
First of all, let me say thank you. Thank you for missing birthdays, and holidays, births, and deaths, and everything in between. Thank you for casting me, and everyone else in your wake aside. Thank you for being everything you said you would be... to everyone else in your life, as long as it wasn't the people who should truly matter. Don't bother trying to step up now, the damage has already been done, and it's way too late for "forgiveness". We all feel this way so don't bother to try to manipulate others to do your bidding. It won't work. We're all smarter than that, and you really wouldn't have it any other way. Please don't dote on us to strangers, and have pictures of us out in public. I doubt you do, but just in case, don't bother. It's all a lie and everyone can see through your facade. I'm no longer angry, or even hurt. I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that you couldn't bother. After all this time, you still couldn't bother. You have a new life now. Maybe it's a good one, maybe it's miserable- I have no idea either way. You have shut us all out. I predict that maybe one day, MAYBE you will think back with regret. Maybe you will consider trying to make amends. Maybe you will think that the life you threw away is actually more important, or at least just as important as the life you chose. Again, you won't. That would mean admitting you were wrong. That would mean you would have to stop blaming others, and stop forcing others to feel the need to take the blame. That would mean that your tightly woven web of manipulation would be unraveling. And you will never let anyone see that. Of this I am sure. I am here to tell you that I am done. I am done taking the blame. I am done feeling backed into a corner. And most importantly, I am done being damaged. That's right. I have moved on. I am about to marry the man I love, and I will no longer look back on what was before. I am only looking forward, looking ahead to my future. I will no longer be hurt by you. I will no longer be belittled by you. I will no longer feel like I have been tossed aside like yesterday's garbage by you. It's over. I'm done. It's takes two to tango and I am tired of being the one dancing alone. Have a good life, or don't. Either way, you will never be a part of mine again.
