Day 22: At a loss for words

Yes really. Really! SERIOUSLY! Ok I'll wait until you can breathe normally and stop laughing.......... ready yet? No? ok.................Better now? Awesome. So yes, I am at a loss for words. I feel like my last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions, of weight, and of sanity. I realized today that I am getting so wrapped up in a numbers game that I am risking losing my sanity more than losing any pounds! I feel like the Count on Sesame Street lately! ONE hundred calories AH AH AH! 243 calories AH AH AH. It's enough to make a girl go loopy. Truthfully, I don't know how the Count does it! I guess when you are only dealing with numbers 1-10, things are a lot easier to keep track of!

What I decided today, or more accurately an hour ago, is that I am going to leave most of the counting to the professionals. I am making myself CRAZY with not only how many calories am I eating in a day, but how many calories I am burning at the gym. Then there is how many pounds I need to lose before the countdown to the wedding reaches zero. Not to mention my percentage of weight loss to see what place I am in for the BL game! ENOUGH! Its a wonder that I am not just rambling and talking to myself every day and writing random thoughts and just going on and on and.... wait.... I guess I'm already doing that too. So here is the slimmed down version...

I will COUNT the number of calories I eat in a day. I will continue to use the Lose It app so I have an idea of what I'm consuming in a day. I will stay within my calories (or I have no one to blame but myself).  I will NOT count and tabulate how many calories I am burning in the gym. I wont input the calories on my app or write them down anywhere. I will consider all exercise as bonus and just doing something good instead of doing something to infinity (and BEYOND!). I will COUNT or more accurately weigh myself, but only ONCE a week at school on my weigh in days. This is my hardest task. I'm an obsessive weigher inner. I mean OBSESSIVE. Not only do I weigh myself EVERY morning, but I also weigh myself several times a day just to "check in" and make sure I haven't eaten 12 lbs of food. (aaaaaaaaaaaaaand there's another number! AH AH AH). Since I am no longer allowed to weigh myself every day, I will also not write my weight on the mirror an continue to obsess over it. Instead, I will write encouraging messages-either things I hear, things that are told to me, things that I want to remember. Today's mantra- "slow and steady wins the race" (thanks John! I love you!) I also will not FREAK OUT if I dont lose as much as I thought I should. This goes back to not keeping track of how many calories I am burning. I have been SO upset today because I know I burned 2700 calories at the gym this week and I only lost 1.7lbs this week. I need to just walk away and let it be! I will also CELEBRATE my weight loss. ANY weight loss. And be happy that it is less than the week before. I will not stress out about what position I am for BL for the week. I will continue the competition and hope that by the end I end up #1 (AH AH AH), but if I'm not, I will congratulate the winner and not be pissy about it for the whole day.... week.... month.

So there you have it. My new plan of action. I guess I found some words. I know I know... you're SO surprised......... From now on, I vow I will let the Count do his job, and I will no longer be his apprentice! Ha! Take that!

PS- if you don't know who the Count is, I am no longer allowed to be associated with you.... just lie to me and say you do..... please.....

22 days down...158 to go! (AH, AH, AH!) yes, these are numbers I will continue to "count", but out of excitement to be married, not in fear of my dress!

Day 21: Hi ho! Kermit d' Frog here....

Coming to you live on location from the sauna at 24 hour fitness. I'm here today interviewing Lisa. Hi ho Lisa. How are you today? "I'm hot Kermit. Really. Flipping. Hot." Well Lisa, it IS a sauna and that is somewhat of the point. "Thank you captain obvious. I'm aware of that but you asked me how I was and I thought you might want some honesty for a change!" well ok then Lisa I'll let you get back to it.... Stay tuned as Ms. Piggy visits the bacon factory. Oh dear.....

I've decided that I am nothing without humor. If I screw up, and I will, I need to just roll with it instead of letting it deveatating me! I will lose weight and I WILL fit into my wedding dress! Weigh in tomorrow. I'll keep you posted- good, bad or other. And yes, I'm really in the sauna right now. And yes, it's really flipping hot!!!!

21 days down...159 to go!

Day 20: How many calories can one pack in a slider?

A. LOT. Truthfully, I could end today's post right there and you would still get the gist of my day. Before I go all Debbie Downer on myself, let me say that I woke up early this morning, put on my big girl panties, and went to the gym on my own. I did 45 minutes of cardio, lifted arm weights, and sat in the sauna when I was done. All on my own. That's where my good day ends. If you don't know me, or if you DO know me and have missed the memo, I stress out. A lot. About everything. To the point that I have been told that maybe that's the reason why I'm not losing weight like I think I should be! Anyway, my good day rapidly took a plunge and landed in a big pile of turd. To cheer myself up, I quickly returned back to my old friend-food. I mean, as far as vices go, food is at least the least damaging of all the possibilities... unless you are trying to fit into a wedding dress in 5 months (5 months!). Before lunch I had only eaten about 75 calories from breakfast, then burned 475 at the gym. By the time I got to lunch, I was ready to consume my body weight in fried food. And I did.  Two out of  three cheeseburger sliders (sorry John.... I ate a cheeseburger....) and fries. I ate most of my day's allotment of calories in that one little (and I do mean little) meal. And it was freaking delicious. And I have felt nothing but guilt for the rest of the day. What does that mean!? Am I actually starting to care about what I look like? Am I really starting to get that "gym high" that I swore I never would reach? So many feelings! So many unanswered questions....
20 days down... 160 to go! (where is the time going!?)

PS~ I apologize for my lack of humor lately! It's been a rough few days thanks to the scale who shall remain nameless.... I promise to be back to my normal jovial self soon! Keep reading! 

Day 19: heeeeeeeeeeeey Macarena! AAAAyai!

It's amazing to me how some days I can't remember what I ate for breakfast, yet some how I can remember every single move and when it comes in the song as soon as I hear the Macarena. I thought it was strange, until I saw every other teacher and adult in the building doing it with me. Frightening. Let me back up...(notice how I have to do this in almost every post? I apparently missed the memo about how to start a story appropriately.... good thing I teach writing........) today was the 3rd-5th grade jamboree at school. Let me say this- there was very little "jam" happening, and a whole lot of boree. For those of you who don't know,  "boreeing" is a cross between running amuck and jumping straight up and down. All of this with 200 children. After school hours. So yes, there was quite a lot of "boree". Sadly, the high-tech sound system and lack of good tunage left the jamming more to the imagination. Other than the Macarena, we boogied on down to the Cha-Cha Slide and the Cupid Shuffle (which I will admit I thought was the "Cuban" shuffle until I just looked it up online. HA!) So yes, the CUPID shuffle. If you don't know what it is, or you don't know HOW to do it, I just found an instructional video. Seriously. I'm NOT lying. Sigh.... go look. See? I told you. Youtube... what will they think of next!?

Anywho, other than that, I didn't work out today, and I'm pretty sure I ate my body weight in chicken parm. Yum. 12 people wore their BL shirts to school today- yes, I went..... AND one of my kids told another teacher that "Ms. Pantano looks different". Hey, if a 10 year old notices, then maybe SOMETHING really is happening.... even if the scale continues to betray me............
19 days down...161 days to go!

Day 18: "dun dun dududun, dududun dididun....

That's the Rocky's theme song by the way- in case you weren't sure. Go ahead, go back and try it again now that you know what it is. I'll wait. Yes it is! Try again.... got it now? Geez... keep up...... AAaaaaaaanyway, one of my colleagues, and BL teammate suggested to me that theme songs weren't just for Rocky anymore, and that I needed my own song- something to keep me motivated, and something that every time I heard it would keep me refocused. I agreed, since I LOVE music, but after an hour or so, my holey sponge brain forgot. Now, I have been using random weddingy songs as my extrinsic motivation of course such as our first dance song, and Going to the Chapel, but I had yet to find my intrinsic song. Something that was all about me and the real reason I SHOULD be doing this. Of course we all know that is NOT the reason, but that is not today's point ladies and gentlemen! Today, when my mini workout ipod played on random, and I heard the first few seconds, of this song, I knew immediately that it was my theme song. MINE. ALLLLLLL MINE. Now, I won't hold you in suspense- in fact I will even give you a link to the song. Even if you know the song and have never seen the video, go watch it- it's awesome! If you HAVE seen the video, go watch it again, because as I previously stated, it's AWESOME. There is so much more I could write such as things having to do with yellow highlighters, axles, and my BL shirt that is now all jazzed up but STILL doesn't fit me and how I am made it nice and bright to detract from my refusing to shrink midsection..... but I won't. Instead, I will direct you to THIS! (It's a little slow to start out, but give it 30 seconds or so and you will start to understand!)

WAIT! One more thing!  18 days down...162 to go!

Day 17: 5lbs of s*** in a 10lb bag

As of today, that is what I feel like. Before I continue, let me say that I KNOW that losing weight takes time, and I KNOW that it took me 28 years to get this way, and it's not going to magically disappear in 28 minutes, but that DOESN'T mean that I don't want it to happen quickly! As I was telling people today, I am a total instant gratification kind of girl. If I am hungry all the time from cutting down to 1500 calories, and busting my butt at the gym, then I better see results. Fast. It is REALLY hard for me to continue on a path where I am not seeing any results. Come on. Admit it. You want to see quick results too. I'm not the only insane one. Hello?

Anyway, back to my title. Today I went out to purchase a t-shirt to wear to school on Friday along with my BL team at school. I always struggle between the M and L sizes when it comes to projects like this. M are usually too tight because, well, let's face it, I'm "chesty". The L are usually a little baggy and make me feel bigger than I really am. It was suggested by one of the other BL members that she was going to get the smaller size because as she loses weight she will be able to see a difference in the clothes. Perfect! I thought this was a BRILLIANT idea! So I chose the M. Without trying it on. Do you see where this is going? Yeah..... continue.... After getting home, I began to look at this Barbie sized outfit and decided to try it on. What. Was. I. THINKING?! I can barely breathe in this shirt! Who was I kidding trying to buy ANYTHING labeled with an "M" (other than M&M's of course... but that is NOT going to help my case). So now, when I walk into school on Friday, sporting my shirt, I will be able to show to the world exactly what 5lbs of s*** shoved into a 10lb bag looks like. Ugh. I'm feeling the flu coming on. I may just have to be sick on Friday.


Meanwhile, I'm watching "I Used to Be Fat" on MTV. The guy just lost 14lbs in his first week. His trainer reminded him that the first week is the easiest. I'm on week 3. Crap. I'm screwed.

Oh, and by the way, someone needs to tell this guy the word is DROWNING not DROWNDING. just sayin'.....
17 days down...163 to go!

Oh, and PS- I have ape arms today. Picture it (Sicily. Wait no.) Picture it- an ape. Picture their arms dangling in front of them, not bent, not straight. Yup. That's me today from the weights we did last night. Ape arms. Unable to straighten them without pain. oooh oooh aaah aaah. Time for a banana.

Day 16: Fleas and Baby Frogs, and Slime... OH MY!

Before I begin, let me take a step back... today was day 2 of keeping up with the Jones. Day 2 of a real butt kicking at the gym. Day 2 of fearing for my life when the word "running" was mentioned. And day 1 of fleas, baby frogs, and slime. Ew. Let me back up again. Yesterday I was promised "seeds". I was told they were "chi seeds" which I mentally associated with chi tea. Not that I particularly LIKE chi tea, but I figured I could manage. I was told they are a great natural energy booster and they would be great before the gym. Awesome. TODAY, I was presented with something VERY different than what I was picturing. Today the words I heard were "well, the seeds kind of look like little fleas". FLEAS!? Why in the world would I want to eat anything that looked like fleas? As promised, they did. A whole bag of fleas. "Want some?" I was asked. Hell no. Then, I was told that these flea seeds could be mixed with a shake or a smoothie or hidden in some peanut butter. There were none of these items around. We'll just mix it in water and drink it down! I was already frightened. In my mind, seeds in water = seeds floating around in water. I couldn't imagine what the point was!. Uhhh you go first. The flea seeds were mixed with water and before I could even take in what I was seeing I was told "they kind of look like baby frogs once they are in the water". Want some? Uh, HELL NO. Again, the description did not disappoint! Right before my very eyes, the fleas turned into baby frogs floating in dirt. Appetizing. If that wasn't enough, the seeds and water mixed to make this "delightful" slime in addition to the baby frogs in dirt. Upon further investigation I realized that these were not actually "chi" seeds, but CHIA seeds. That's right CHIA as in CHIA PET! The same exact seeds that make the chia pet grow "hair" were the very snack that I was being presented with. Thank you no. That's it. I decided at that moment that if that's what it takes to lose an enormous amount of weight each week, I would rather be fat. Forever!

16 days down...164 to go!