Day 109: What a Reject

*Note, this is TECHNICALLY being written on Friday, however it is very much Thursday's blog. I will (possibly) write again today for today's blog.... just go with it....

I'm a reject. It's official. It's not really a NEW realization, but one that hurts just as much as if it was (were?). Today I felt like I was 6 years old again, and my next door neighbor who I THOUGHT was my friend stepped out into the middle of our cul-de-sac while I was riding my bike, and LOUDLY chanted "I'm having a birthday party and you're not inviteeeeeeeeeeed!" It was painful as a 6 year old, and I have to admit, it was just about as painful last night when I realized that I am still not one of the cool kids. Now, it doesn't really matter what the event was, but the fact that I knew about it, was told I would be invited, and I would get more information later, and then never heard a single word about it again until I saw the posts about it reminding me that I was CLEARLY never really invited.... yeah.... that felt good. As I said, I have never been part of the cool kids club. I was never invited to parties in high school, or even college for that matter. I'm always the DD, even now,  because it's always just assumed that I wouldn't be drinking anyway (aka: party pooper). The list goes on, but I don't want to throw myself a pity party (I probably wouldn't be invited to that one anyway.... kidding....). I have normally been ok with not being part of the "in" crowd, because I have always had a small group of really close friends around me. There I was always part of the club, and always (usually) felt wanted. I realized last night that even this group is dwindling. I guess that's my fault too since I "chose to move" (aka: became the evil spawn of satan for wanting a change in my life) I am very grateful for the friends that I have in my life, but I wish that I was closer with some of them... especially the ones who are far. I even decided this morning that I was done blogging. I was done sharing my thoughts and feelings with people who don't really care. I have realized that most of my friends aren't even reading this! Then I decided, who cares!? Let strangers read it! Let people who used to be my friends, that I am pretty damn sure are reading this, read it! Let my family and future family read it! Let my co-workers read it! I have always been an open book, so why should I stop now? My struggle with weight loss has ALWAYS been public, so why not share it with the world?
And what does all this have to do with operation wedding dress? Not a damn thing. Unless you count the rest of the bag of Doritos I finished last night as I moped around the house. Or the full McDonald's breakfast that I scarfed down this morning because I was still in a crappy mood over this stupidity. Yeah, I guess you can count that.....
109 days down...72 to go!
PS- I love you John. Thank you for being my best friend.