Day 45: How many cheat days is too many?

Hmmmmm I'm thinking 1 is probably too many, and this week I will have at least 3. Sigh. Tonight John and I went out to dinner to somewhat celebrate the one year since our engagement :) It was nice to go out to eat and have whatever I wanted and not count it all out. Of course, now I feel nothing but guilt about it, but it was good while it lasted. Granted, I still didn't eat what I normally do at this place, but I'm pretty sure the 6 garlic knots that I consumed did NOT fit into my calorie count.... nor did the 3 thin mints that I just ate, because hey, why not? Sigh. I was mentally celebrating today when I put on a pair of pants that were actually BIG. Not just a little lose, but BIG to the point that I really should use a belt. And then I had dinner.... I know 1 day wont totally derail me... but 3 days just might. Tonight was also my day off from the gym which is NOT helping my cause. Saturday is a brewery tour with John and then BD's with friends. Then Sunday morning is brunch at the wedding caterer, and then dinner for a friend's birthday. Watch out scale... wide load coming through....

1 year since engagement! 45 days down...135 to go!

Day 44: No pain, no gain

But does it count if the pain happens before any of the work!? Yeah, I didn't think so.... It all started today when I went to the gym. I had my first real training session at 6, but I got to the gym a bit early so I could get some cardio in beforehand. Well, that was easier said than done! The gym was PACKED. I've seen it busy before, but my goodness. I finally ended up on the bike for about 20 minutes. After an emergency "break" I tried to find any cardio machine that I could use for the last 10 minutes before my training. There was literally not one machine available. So I decided to sit in the sauna for a few minutes to make sure my muscles were nice and warmed up. When my time was up, I hopped down from the 2nd step and OW. Something in my thigh popped. REALLY!? Sigh. I assumed it was just a pulled muscle or a little charlie horse, so I tried to walk it out..... that didn't help either. I went to my training session sure that the muscle would relax itself and I would carry on. Wrong. After 2 squats I was in pain. Not just "hey my muscles are sore" pain, but "ow, dont make me do that again" pain. I told my trainer. She suggested that somehow I pulled my hip flexor muscle (which is odd, because the pain is in the middle of my thigh). I stretched in the ways she told me to, but even that wouldn't loosen things up. I finished my workout with some modified routines (it was NOT half-assed by any means!) and survived. Now here I sit with an ice pack on my thigh as suggested, and my legs elevated like an old lady with poor circulation. Sigh. Even when I am trying to do something good I end up mucking it up! Tomorrow is a rest day anyway so I'm hoping that that helps! 

Oh! I lost 2.5lbs this week which brings my grand total to 12.7lbs in 6 weeks! Slow and steady, slow and steady.....I'm now in 4th place overall in the competition, but I have to remind myself what MY real goal is... although an extra $400 wouldn't hurt.... :)

44 days down...136 to go!

Day 43: Half empty? or Half full?

All day today I felt like I was running on at least half empty. I had a whole bonus weekend day ahead of me and I did NOTHING. I never got to the mounds of laundry in the bedroom, and I never even unloaded the dishwasher. It was a pure lazy day. I did go to the gym, but my workout was at the same intensity as the rest of my day. I just didn't feel motivated to keep up with the beat in the song or to push through the leg pain of the higher intensity. I just felt blah. I made it through the 60 minutes... begrudgingly.... I wasn't even remotely in the mood to work out today, but I figured if I was going to take the rest of the day off, that I should at least work out. Even if it was at a half-assed rate. I spoke to my trainer last week about 60 minutes on one piece of equipment vs. 20 minutes on 3 pieces of equipment. She basically said as long as I keep moving it doesn't really matter. The goal is to be successful, and if I know that I will get too bored doing the same thing for 60 minutes, then switching it up every 20 minutes is fine. Even with that knowledge today, I felt like I was dragging. The first 20 minutes on the elliptical felt like 2 hours. It was a Christmas miracle that I even finished. Eh. I don't know how much today's workout will really count, so just in case, I stayed within a 1200 calorie count today- it helps when you don't get out of bed until 11! I guess we will see tomorrow morning how the numbers pan out.... and if by some miracle I do just as well or heaven forbid BETTER than a normal week.... well, let's just say I'm going to have a very difficult time trying to convince myself to go back to 6 days a week in the gym! Think thin thoughts!

43 days down...137 to go!

Day 42: C is for cookie...

and cookie is for me! Yup. 2. whole. days. That's how long I made it before tearing into the Girl Scout cookies. Girl Scout crack. That's what I called them today. It's a very similar crack to the one that Disney has patented and used in such products as "Disney crack corn" and "Disney crack funnel cake" and the ever popular 'Disney crack Mickey ears ice cream". But no matter how strong my passion is for any of those items, none is as strong as my need for Girl Scout crack. I wish I could say well, at least I went to the gym today.... but I didn't. And I wish I could say, well, at least I was good for the rest of the day....but I wasn't. The only thing I can say is, well, I didn't eat the whole box. In fact, I didn't even eat the whole sleeve. Yaaaaaaay! Oh well, tomorrow is another day- and thanks to President's Day, I get a day of reprieve before I have to weigh in this week. Thankfully.

42 days down...138 to go!

Day 41: Is it a crime to watch a movie without popcorn?

Yes. Yes it is. But today, for what I can assume is the first time ever, I did it. Let me state for the record that I was planning all day to enjoy popcorn with my movie... I budgeted what I thought would be plenty of calories and ate accordingly. Then I looked up the true numbers. Almost 1000 calories. Over 70 grams of fat. Over 100% of the daily recommended total fat, and over 200% of the daily saturated fat. WHAT!? No matter how much I originally wanted it, I could not justify eating that much as a "snack". Not to mention that in a few days is another BL weigh in..... could you IMAGINE the tale I would have to tell when I gained weight? "well you see.... I ate my weight in pure fatty oil and salt" Lovely. I'm sure that would go over well. So I didn't eat it. I did however get junior mints. 16 whopping mints for 170 calories. I estimated I could eat 1 every 10 minutes of the movie. How sad. I ate 6. What a life I am now leading.

I also decided at some point today that I was done. I was done counting calories. I was done measuring and counting and wheeling and dealing and I just wanted to freaking eat. I didn't. John of course talked me down off the ledge with more words of encouragement and reminders of the fact that I AM losing weight, no matter how much I am resisting admitting it.

AND who the hell designed gyms!? Clear glass EVERYWHERE. Is is necessary that as people are driving by that they need to see me walk along the edge of the pool in my bathing suit? Is it not humiliating enough that I am IN a bathing suit? IN PUBLIC? But not only is the glass on the OUTSIDE but there is glass everywhere you look INSIDE. Today, as I was on the bike, I had a front row seat to every little perky girl, and every single muscular man just preening their way up the stairs to the weights area. Do I need to see the perky little bimbo SKIP down the stairs and then RUN them 2 at a time back up!? I GET IT. You are thin and the whoooooole world needs to know! I wish I was you and now thank you so much for making me feel totally inadequate. And as soon as I get THAT image out of my head and I am finally able to resist the urge to throw a stick in her way mid-step, I see the 300 lb man on his first day in the gym since his high school football days in 1981 wearing the same shorts that he was wearing in 1981. Still not with me? I have just 2 words for you.... DAISY. DUKES. True story.   Welcome to my nightmare....

41 days down...139 to go!

Day 40: The most disasterous thing has happened.....

...it's Girl Scout cookie time.................................. and not only is it cookie time, but I preordered some from my flower girl and I now have 4 boxes IN MY KITCHEN. Are you kidding me!? I was so close to eating my last 800 calories in cookies for dinner. But I didn't. So now here I am, desperately trying to make it through the day on my measly 1400 calories and here in the kitchen, next to the cheez its and teddy grahms, are Thin Mints and Tagalongs..... Sadly, they have WAY more power than the snacks that are readily available all year long. My plan to not eat them is two-fold. 1) Dont put them in the freezer. If you dont know, I LOVE stuff in the freezer. Muffins, cookies, candy bars, etc. I figure if I keep them room temperature, I will be less likely to eat the whole box in one sitting. 2) DONT OPEN THE BOX. After dinner, I was hoping I would have enough calories left for a serving of cookies (which sadly is only 2 for an insane amount of calories). I only had enough for one. Well that's just not worth it. Not to mention, IMPOSSIBLE. I have zero will power, and if I opened the box for one, I might just eat one....box.... so I left them closed. I dont know how long my plan of action is going to work, but it kept from going over my calories for one day. Tomorrow is another day though, and I DO need to eat before I go to the gym... the peanut butter center in the Tagalongs count as protein right? RIGHT!?

40 days down...140 to go!

Day 39: Friday EVE

Otherwise known as Thursday- although if you ask me, "Friday Eve" sounds a lot more glass half full don't you think? The only real problem with a Friday Eve (other than the fact that it ISN'T Friday) is when you THINK for several hours that it IS Friday. How depressing. Nothing like looking forward to the weekend and then realize there is still another whole day to go before you get there. Sigh. Welcome to my day! Since it IS only Thursday, it makes sense that I am still so sore that I held up an entire line of elementary students trying to get out to car line today. Haha. I somehow morphed into my grandmother thanks to a 30 minute intro session. That does NOT bode well for what lies ahead. Since it was a physical strain to go up or down stairs, bend to pick anything up, or heaven forbid do anything that involves a squatting motion, I clearly did not work out today. That's 2 "recovery" days. Sigh. I don't feel like I have the luxury to take 2 days off in a row like this. I can deal with 1, but 2 makes me feel like the weight is going to creep back on before my very eyes. I was however under my calories today, thanks to a delicious dinner prepared carefully by John. Tomorrow, no matter how much I look like I am channeling an old lady, I WILL go to the gym. Probably. "Quitting is forever. Pain is temporary". Thank you random man on the History channel for those words of wisdom as I was writing this and needed some inspiration. As long as I don't quit I will be ok. Even if I don't win the game, I will win MY war!

39 days down...141 to go!